Helping you cross the

legal finish line

How can I stop blaming myself after divorce?

It’s natural to feel guilty after the end of your marriage. However, not properly dealing with these feelings can have a range of ill-effects, both on you and your family. In this case, Psych Central offers some tips on how you can face the guilt that you feel and eventually overcome it.

Keep in mind that it’s rare that a divorce occurs because of the actions of a single person alone. In many cases, both parties bear some responsibility for what transpired. It’s also possible that you and your spouse naturally grew apart or faced irreconcilable differences. It’s equally possible that you tried your best to save the marriage but to no avail. This may lead to feelings of failure, which you might look at as your own fault for not doing more.

In truth, you should be looking for ways to forgive yourself. It’s often a matter of perspective; instead of thinking you should have taken action sooner, consider that you responded to the situation as it arose. For example, if you and your ex attended therapy and still ended up divorced, it’s likely that the timing wouldn’t have made a drastic impact. Or maybe you feel upset by the way you responded to communication issues. Once again, bear in mind that both parties must participate in order to communicate effectively.

Lastly, remind yourself that guilt serves no purpose, for you or your ex. Now that you’re separated, focus this energy on how to move forward with your life and rebuild it. It’s perfectly acceptable to recognize what you did wrong and develop mechanisms for avoiding these issues in the future. However, revisiting your transgressions again and again will only keep you firmly rooted in the past.